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| new blog!
http://dt1021.wordpress.com/
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| alright, i repentAlright, I repent: from posting so little recently. Actually I really do repent I guess, because it's a symptom of something that's been a little wrong in me. Not sure what it is, but I'm a writer. It's the shape of the jar that He made and has poured Himself into. Recently, though, the desire to write has been as MIA as that giggly excitement that used to characterize me.
Maybe it's just getting older, but I'm feeling less and less like myself, and more and more like this prodigal pharisee who runs from one corner of God's character to the other. I just can't quite get a handle on it all. Every time I encounter that word 'steadfast' in my small little esv, I feel this trembling in my center. It's this weird pain and frustration that I want to be that so badly and am so far from it. I know we're all sinners, and I know we all need Jesus, but I'm just having one of those seasons where I feel painfully broken. Like, every time I move I can feel the shuffling of the broken pieces knocking around in my heart, and in my head I know - that my heart can't be broken, because it's brand new and breathed into me by His Spirit. But, maybe I really am a feeler, because that knowledge has no effect on what feels true.
This is all very rambley and 'run-on-ey'. I just made that word up. Bottom line: my feelings these days make me ashamed because of the truth I know. So, the pharisee in me conceals those stupid feelings - pretending everything is alright and all happiness is mine. And maybe that's not so bad - because I'm just acting in accordance with what is actually true - all happiness IS mine.
But in the darkness, with my Jesus, when I can't hold it together anymore, the prodigal comes spilling out, confessing that I feel so deeply broken. And I have for far too long. And that must be sin on some level because it's not in line with what's true, and it means I don't trust Him and every time I confess it, I confess that the blood of Jesus may be sufficient to make me pure and perfect in His sight, but it's not enough to make me feel pure and perfect in His sight. Every time I admit that weird sadness in me, my head reminds me that I'm exchanging the truth of my precious Jesus for some lie.
so, do with all that what you will. Mostly, I expect, you will just praise Jesus that your mind (hopefully) doesn't analyze everything as much as mine. Lean into the simple faith, if it's been given by His mercy.
As for me - I cling with feeble fingers to the ledge of His great grace. And I cling to the truth that what is true isn't shaped by how I feel, but rather - what is ACTUALLY true. And that's Him. And that is His blood - fully satisfying and infinitely perfect. And that is His Spirit - keeping me from letting go of the ledge of that great grace, and guaranteeing me the fairy tale ending that every little girl wants: me, face to face with the lover of my soul, finally feeling what I know is true.
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| Long Awaitedhttp://campaign-archive.com/?u=fc3951594d95b098c7bdc06f7&id=8030ad8acb&e=[UNIQID]
Long Awaited
written by Fabienne Harford
“O Come O Come Emmanuel, and Ransom Captive Israel, who lives in lonely exile here, until the Son of God appear”
I have a friend who is Jewish. Well, he’s actually a Christian, but he’s Jewish by descent. If he had been around before Jesus, he would have been a part of the crowd we sing about in “O Come, O Come Emmanuel”; that ransomed and captive Israel that desperately longed for a savior. My friend would have likely lived a life under the law – continuously trying to live up to God’s standard, a standard he could never meet; crying out for more than just the taste of peace, but without the righteousness to negotiate a lasting reconciliation with God.
I think sometimes I forget that while that time was painful for Israel, they had hope: the promise of a redeemer – a messiah – who would come and make the peace with God that they could not make on their own.
I'm not a genetic descendant of Abraham. From this side of the cross I can see clearly that I am a part of true Israel; a spiritual descendant of Abraham. I can sing with arms raised praising Emmanuel for ransoming me: ransomed and captive child of true israel. However before that stable in david's city, i might have been born without the hope of a messiah revealed to me; without the promise of peace preached. I might have known no hope of peace with God.
I likely wouldn’t have grown up around promises of a savior, or even a good understanding of why the world around me was at war with itself.
But amazingly, Jesus came with an even greater peace than Israel had ever imagined. He came with a peace not just for them, but for the rest of the nations in the world as well. He came with a peace that could bring together Jew and Gentile under the unified banner of people in need of saving, people in need of peace with God.
I live in a world that has trivialized the word ‘peace.’ We have made it into a passive lack of conflict. We have reduced it to ‘letting things roll off your back a little more easily.’
To know the peace of Christ, I have to remember that without Him there is no hope of peace with God; no hope of relationship, reconciliation.
There’s something terrifying to me about even writing that: “no hope of peace with God.” It’s been a long year, and there have been moments where I have had glimpses of the darkness of the hiddenness of God. As horrible as those moments have been, they’ve been mere moments; mere glimpses. They’ve been a gift; moments to teach me a new level of longing and a new desperation for Jesus: my promise of peace with a Father I need so very badly. The moments of shadow are traces of what the world was like before my Jesus came.
This year, peace is my hope. Not a sweet and soft hope, but a desperate and critical hope.
“I cling with feeble fingers to the ledge of His great grace.” I cling to my only hope: that Jesus’ blood has negotiated for me a peace beyond comprehension.
Until the peace of Jesus came, we were useless creatures. We were incapable of fulfilling what we were created to do; we were literally without the capacity to be used for our purpose – worship of God. We were at war with God Himself.
If I’m honest, this year I’ve watched my redeemed heart still find ways to try to make war with a Holy and Perfect and beloved God. But the hope I have is a peace greater than my flesh: the blood of Christ is bigger and better and stronger and firmer and it binds me in a peace agreement with God that no act of war on my part can change.
I was far off, and I have been brought near by His peace.
In Christ, you and I wake up in a world where the darkness of despair has no strength. We wake up on this Christmas Thursday to breathe in air with the promise of a peace, peace that was born in a dirty and cold stable in Bethlehem. This is a tangible, full-fledged peace brought with a baby born to die so that we might live.
“But now in Christ Jesus you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For He Himself is our peace” Ephesians 2: 13-14
REFLECTION:
* Read Ephesians 2:11-22. The peace described results in a citizenship in God’s kingdom. How does your life reflect that new citizenship?
* Christ reconciled us to the Father so that we might have relationship with God. In what ways has your relationship with God grown this year? In what ways have you neglected that relationship in 2008?
* Spend some time thinking about the bleakness of a world without peace with God. Spend some time praising Jesus for coming to bring you that peace. | | |
| "The bridge of grace will bear your weight, brother. Thousands of big sinners have gone across that bridge, yea, tens of thousands have gone over it. I can hear their trampings now as they traverse the great arches of the bridge of salvation. They come by the thousands, by their myriads, e'er since that day when Christ first entered His glory. They come and yet never a stone has sprung in that mighty bridge. Some have been the chief of sinners and some have come at the very last of their days but the arch has never yielded beneath their weight. I will go with themtrusting to the same support. It will bear me over as it has for them." | | |
| Christmas treatOkay. So I make these picture frame things. If you've seen Sally or Kimberly's then you know what I'm talking about. They're engraved kind of metal things with frames.
If you want me to make one for someone for you for Christmas, I think I could do them for like $20..? This is an awkward post, but if you're interested, let me know!
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